he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is my gift to your gina
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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