PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
