dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
