I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
