Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
