Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
