When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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