the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
