He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need moral support for this bender
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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