i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
