you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
