I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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