Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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