The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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