you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
