i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
