Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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