so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
