Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
