my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
