He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
