Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
