when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
