Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
