I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
