I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
