Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
