filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
