no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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