just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
