I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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