You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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