Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
