Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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