I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
