reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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