i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
