the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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