Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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