A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
bring money and cleavage
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
