I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
