my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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