Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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