woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
