Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I love having hate sex.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
