so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
