Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
