it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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