Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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