Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
