Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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