Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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