you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
