Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
