I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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