he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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